Viva ama Stort-Stort!

I have to admit it - I may yet join the Zuma fan club!

I caught his press conference on TV last night, and later the interview with SABC 2. Normally when I see that those interviews are on, I change channels immediately. However, last night my curiosity kept me watching for a few minutes - and then I was hooked!

I understand now what his followers meant when they said that he talks to the people at their level. Firstly, the man TALKS, he doesn't deliver predictable, cold, statements. Secondly, he talks TO his audience, he doesn't condescend to talk AT them. Thirdly, he actually thinks about the questions to formulate his answers, he doesn't just brush them aside with formal, pre-decided statements.

Although his alleged personal habits are of serious concern, I must admit that it feels refreshing to see an intelligent, dedicated man in the politian, who actually does treat the rest of us like "comrades" from within the masses, rather than towering condescendingly above us pitiful mortals.

Well, we shall see what he can deliver, but for now I am certainly a lot more hopeful than I was before.

ZA NC - The Slippery Road Ahead

So, the Zulu with the showercap has done it! What can we say? I guess we grin and bare it - and go with the flow of ama Stort-Stort!

Jozikids News, Events and Holiday Activities

HOLIDAY PROGRAMMES IN & AROUND JOBURG
If you're staying in Johannesburg for all or part of the holidays, there are wonderful activities on offer to keep your kids stimulated and entertained. Booking is essential as spaces are limited.

ART:
Arabella's Art Studio in Parktown North, Dec 3-6th / 18-21st
Scribble and Splot Art Classes in Fourways, Dec 7,14,21

CRAFTS:
Children's Holiday Creativity Club in Petervale, Dec 3-7th, 11-15th, 18-21
Kids Craft Workshops in Weltevreden Park, Dec 7,11,12,14
Moyo magic holiday workshops at Zoo Lake in Parktown, Dec - weekends and public holidays

COOKING:
Ushef Cooking School in Olivedale, Sandton, Dec 3-14
Cookery Kids Workshop in Savoy Dec 10-13th

PLAYBALL:
Darrenwood Playball Holiday program near Cresta, Dec 3-7th, 10-12

CRICKET:
Last Man Stands in Houghton, Dec 3-7th

TENNIS:
International Tennis Academy clinics in Melville, Dec 3-6

SCIENCE:
Experilab in Randburg, Nov 27-Dec 20th
Technolab in Auckland Park, Dec 10-14th

SWIMMING:
Linden Pool, swimming clinics Dec 5-7, 10-14, Jan 2-4, 7-9

YOGA:
Yoga 4 Youngsters in Randburg is offering FREE holiday classes, Dec 3-14

GENERAL:
Ilanga Day Camp, Kempton Park Dec 3-14


HOLIDAY CAMPS OUT OF JOBURG Click here to see details for the various camps:
Gecko Valley Performing Arts Camp, Adventure and Beyond, Happy Acres, Camp Nelu, Inkwenkwezi, Bushtrail

HOLIDAY THEATRE/SHOWSUntangled Marionettes presents the Xmas story in a show called 'Episodes' in Westcliff, Dec 1,4,8,11,22
Click here to see details for the various childrens theatre productions showing in December/January like The Jungle Book, Grim Tales, The Swallow Fairy, Veldmuis en Stadtmuis, Lion King, Peter Pan Pantomime, Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty.

For various gift ideas, special offers and competitions, check out the Jozikids website here.

Why not subscribe to their newsletter and stay up to date with what is happening?

'I believe in the war, but being here sucks'

This was a headline in today's Mail & Guardian. (Read the article).

Sounds rather a lot like parenting, doesn't it?

Our Future in the Air

(Jonathan Shapiro 14.11.07)

Joke if you will, but it's still safer in the air than it is on the ground.

Many a truth ....

Any cheap flights going?

SA in UN Rape Resolution Row

In an article published by the Mail & Guardian entitled " SA responds to US in UN rape resolution row ":
" South African diplomats have expressed shock at strong United States government criticism of the country's stance over a United Nations resolution, introduced by the US, that condemns rape by governments and military formations. "
( Read full article ....)

" In an article in the New York Times on Thursday, the US accused South Africa of obstructing an American-drafted General Assembly resolution that would specifically condemn rape and sexual abuse used by governments and armed groups to achieve political and military objectives.

While the resolution does not mention any countries by name, the Bush administration has cited accusations that rape is being employed by soldiers and militia members as a tactic for intimidation and warfare, notably in Sudan and Burma."

The South Africans state: "We are objecting to the resolution because it is politicised and singles out clear categories of rape. We want a resolution that is non-politicised and that looks at rape in a holistic manner in all its situations, including rape by soldiers in detention centres and in situations of foreign occupation."

On Friday, South Africa's ambassador to the United Nations, Dumisani Kumalo, echoed Sangqu's comments.

"As usual our US colleagues are being very disingenuous, because what they were trying to get us to do is to support a resolution only condemning rape by military and government institutions. We are saying we want to condemn rape in all its forms," said Kumalo, who is currently in South Africa.
Rape is rape. We don't want rape to be dealt with selectively. It is a cruel and despicable crime. We said rape should be condemned in all its manifestations, that it does not matter if it's perpetrated by governments or individuals. The Africa group within the United Nations introduced our amendments. It was Angola who actually introduced them. "

I am sure that we all agree, Mr Kumalo, on the general condemnation of rape. We are painfully aware of it in this country (and of the Government's lack of success in remedying the situation). However, it seems to me that the United Nations are trying to pass a law that actually holds governments responsible in those political / military cases, and not just the individuals who perpetrate it.

I feel that, not unusually, the South African Government is trying to duck responsibilty for actions of its representatives, hiding behind a barrage of noble-sounding sentiments, while they continue to flounder ineffectively.

Jo'burg Street Names To Go Green

According to an article published in the Mail & Guardian online, Jo'burg street names are to go green:

"The naming and renaming of streets and public places in Johannesburg should be after flora and fauna and not people, according to the city's new naming policy released on Monday.

Anyone who wants a place named after a person will have to provide a detailed motivation, including a profile of the person and why he or she is worthy of the honour."

Excellent idea. I wonder how many words we have for "dagga" or "weed" in eleven official languages?

The article goes on to say:

"Recently, Hans Strijdom Drive, a main road running through Randburg and crossing the N1, was renamed Malibongwe Drive.

"Malibongwe" means "to give praise". "Malibongwe igama lamakhosikazi [Praise the women's voice]" was a slogan normally used by women during apartheid protest marches and gatherings.

Johannesburg Development Agency head Lael Bethlehem said earlier this year that the new street name would still remind South Africans of Strijdom as the slogan was used in protest against his government.

Hendrik Verwoerd Drive in Randburg also has a new name: Bram Fischer Drive, after the anti-apartheid activist."

In that vein, I guess we could use the names of flauna and fauna that remind us of prominent people, like "Beetroot" to remind us of Manto? (Lest we forget.) Mind you, one could name a whole zone of streets after her ...."Cane Street", "Barley", "Hopst", "Marula" ...

I like it. I shall ponder the Flora and Fauna of our democracy with glee.

What's changed?

Zapiro, 26th June, 2001. So what's changed?

SARS Tax Returns Online

Well done to the SARS for instituting their online Tax Return system, SARS e-filing. It really is quite easy to use and their online help is great. I approached it with great trepidation, but I needn't have worried. Once I had downloaded Adobe 8.1 (from the SARS e-filing site), which is necessary to complete the forms online, it was a relative breeze.

Well done, Guys, you certainly are succeeding in making it easier for us.

To get to their site, you can click on this link, or alternatively you will find the permanent link on this site under "Government" and SARS e-Filing.

White Boys, White Boys ...!!!!

Jake White and his Boys did it !!! Yea !!!

Will a World Cup win on his resume give Jake White an edge in his job application when he has to reapply for the position, or has he had his quota now ?

Well done, Guys!!! Jake, you're no fake!

Farewell to Lucky Dube

(Photo by courtesy of Lucky Dube's website, www.luckydubemusic.com )

The nation was shocked this morning by the news of the murder of musician Lucky Dube, shot last night in what appears to be a highjacking attempt.

We have been shocked a number of times now by the murders of well-known people in this country in hijacking or other criminal activities. Sadly, it takes the deaths of well-known people to relight the fires of righteous indignation in the nation, to shake us out of a state of desensitivity. Yet every one of the daily murders that take place here are equally tragic.

This is not a consequence of an enlightened government. The wrong people are dying in this country.

Our condolences go out to Lucky Dube's family, and to all the families of yesterday's victims in this land. And tomorrow's.

Asteroid! You have one hour ....

Under the heading "Quick! Hand hand me the fatty food, the world's about to end", Mail & Guardian published and article about a survey done on Britons, asking what they would do if an asteroid was about to hit the earth in one hour. ( Read the article at this link )

The majority would spend time with, or on the phone speaking to, family. Of the rest, there are those who would accept the inevitable drinking champagne, eating fatty food (and, no doubt, those who would party). About 2% spoke about looting (dumb-asses!), only 9% thought about sex and astonishingly, only 3% about praying.

I wonder what would happen in South Africa?

I strongly suspect that somewhere near the top of the list would be "test-driving" a sturdy 4 x 4 with even sturdier bull-bars and getting one's own back on the minibus taxis, while making those last-minute calls to family via cell phones. If the Metro Police happen to give chase, so much more fun. (If they manage to stop you, hand out liberal I.O.U.s.)

Drink up all the beer we can, to minimize the splash.

Tell all you know about politicians, naming the names fearlessly.

No doubt politicians would announce the successful completion of decades-old projects and hand out keys to houses liberally. (Key-makers, of course, wouldn't close shop)

Radio stations and television would offer great "last-minute venues":
Have a drink with Manto.
Listen to secrets of success with Shabir.
Sing in the shower with Jacob.

In Zimbabwe, of course, Robert Mugabe would address a rally telling the rest of the world what they could do with their asteroid.

And back home there would be that last minute television interview discussing what effect it would have on the 2010 Soccer World Cup.

Viva South Africa.

How would YOU spend your last hour?

Lotto Site Up

Both the National Lottery Portal and the Gidani Website are up and running now. So, for Lotto results, news, etc, click on the National Lottery Portal under "Lotto" in the right-hand margin, or for news and information pertaining to Gidani, the new lottery operator, click on Gidani Website, also listed under 'Lotto".

The Babbling Broek

Once upon a time, at the Tower of Babel, languages were confused. Here and now, even if we understand the multitude of official tongues, the content is the mystery.

Being a country of equal opportunity, I guess it's only fair that statements must be permitted to emanate from either orifice, all orifices being equal.

No wonder interpreters have to be analysts .......

Don't Swear If You Want Breakfast

Do you remember the time when your kids were at the age when they felt they were old enough to start swearing? They'd sit with you and, very seriously, explore their list of unacceptable vocabulary to establish which words were acceptable at their advanced age?

Well, here's a cute story from the internet:

A seven year old and a four year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"Oh, sh!t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops".

WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?!"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your f#-king life it won't be Coco Pops".

The Return of the Lotto

Reports indicate that the long-awaited return of the Lotto could take place within about two weeks - which probably means about four weeks. Apparently it has been awarded to Gidani, but as yet I have been unable to find an active website for them. As soon as I find one, I'll create the link on this site.

Ouch!

I hear that the Government wants an investigation 'to establish how far the faulty condoms have penetrated the market...'

Ouch.

Stating The Obvious

Mail and Guardian published an article entitled: 'Caution: Water on road during rain', about concerned campaigners for the English language, who object to signs and warnings stating the obvious.

They cite examples like 'Caution: water on road during rain'; warnings on packets of nuts stating: 'Warning: contains nuts'; a warning on a can of self-defence pepper spray: 'May irritate eyes' and, on sleeping pills, 'May cause drowsiness'.

They are quoted as stating: "They assume a lack of intelligence on the part of the reader. 'Do not commit crime. Pay for your fuel' is hardly a deterrent to a criminal who has every intention of driving off without paying."

True.

However, off the top of my head, I can think of two reasons necessitating those warnings. One is the great American pastime of making a few million bucks by suing large companies for NOT warning us of the obvious. The second is - well, visit South Africa, where there don't seem to be enough of those warnings!

Ever visit a public toilet, where, if the signs are not there, they should be ?
"Aim for the urinal, not the floor. Use both hands to take aim " (The sign I have seen is much too subtle for here: "We aim to please, you aim too, please.")

"Please remain seated throughout the entire performance."

"Wash your hands - afterwards! Remember to turn off the tap when you've finished."

Other signs that should exist:

On boxes of ammunition:
"Warning: Bullets can be a health hazard, especially when fired from a gun. Directions for use: Place bullets in clip / magazine. Replace magazine into pistol. Load first bullet into breach. Turn barrel towards you until you can see down the barrel. Keep looking. Gently squeeze trigger."

On the road:

"A lubricated car is good. A lubricated driver is bad."

"Do not look at the person you are talking to while you're driving."

"When you are (illegally) talking on your cell phone while driving, do not attempt to give directions with the other hand."

"Before using your shifting spanner to loosen a nut or other item, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, switch off the ignition and disengage spanner from the steering column. Remember to re-connect to the steering column before continuing your journey."

"When your soccer ball goes into the road, look right, look left, look right again - then report the thief who took it while you were exercising these precautions."

"Beware - Cattle Crossing. Watch quietly and do not disturb." (Heard of Cross-Bred cattle? Now you know)



Pills:

"Directions: To be swallowed, using water - not beer, vodka, brandy, whiskey, wine, Brutal Fruit or any other alcoholic beverage. Do not crush and sniff. Do not smoke, either in tobacco, bottle mouths, water pipes or in any other way. To not liquidize and inject. JUST SWALLOW WITH WATER. Warning: water can be a health hazard. Ensure that water is clean. If not, boil water first. Remember to let the water cool before drinking. (See instructions for burnt tongue, if applicable)"

"If you do not understand any of these signs or notices, ask a policeman. If he rubs his head before explaining, ask a different one."

ANC is PND

Once the "African National Congress", presently the "African National Circus", it's time to admit that it has become the "Post Nelson Debacle".

It's hardly fair to call it a "circus", because although it's resplendent with convincing clowns, a circus is a professional, well-organized operation, generally safe for the public.

It's not enough that the PND populates too many ministerial posts on the Jobs-For-Old-Comrades system, irrespective of their honesty or ability to function in those posts, but the system of floor-crossings makes a mockery of democracy. We, the electorate, haven't a clue, when we vote, to which Party our representative will ultimately belong. It promotes the cause of the professional politician rather than representatives of the people.

Service Delivery is pure fantasy. (Probably one of the few "purities" in government!) I find it sad that so many of our people who suffer the most from the lack of service delivery and the corruption involved in the process, still vote in terms of historic loyalties instead of opting for performance-based results. In their defense, who could they vote for? (To the best of my knowledge, Leon Schuster hasn't taken up the challenge of starting his own party yet....)

IF ONLY the people of Trevor Manuel's calibre would break away and form their own party, we'd all have someone to vote for on the basis of performance.

The ANC reminds me somewhat of Bafana Bafana. They made a big splash when the new democracy was born, then failed to deliver from then on. They have their moments, but perhaps both of them are more concerned about personal careers and personal enrichment than in the cause of the team and their supporters.

Rosh HaShana

I wish all our Jewish readers a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year.

The Feast of Trumpets symbolizes the blowing of the trumpet, heralding the advent of the coming of the Messiah. As a Christian, I would like to join our Jewish friends spiritually, today, in the hope and anticipation of that great Day.

I wish you well.

South Africa - The Good News

Ever get tired of bad news about the country on public broadcasts and cynical comments on blog sites? Do you wish you could just read some good news for a change? Well, try a site called www.sagoodnews.co.za

S.A Good News focuses on the positive. They focus on what they consider to be positive achievements and on things people actually do to make a positive difference instead of just griping.

Not that we can afford to bury our heads in the sand, of course. That would be highly dangerous here. (With your head in the sand, you're likely to get your pockets picked. Not to mention leaving your backside exposed. Bad idea here. And you wouldn't be able to identify your assailant - not that I'm convinced it would make too much difference if you could.)

Being aware of the problems is necessary. In fact, it's vital. Social comment is vital and constructive. A sense of humour in this country is necessary. Moaning doesn't change a thing, except to create a web of negativity. In order to escape the negative environment that only breeds more negativity, one needs to push oneself into a positive attitude. Perhaps we should take more notice of those forums and people who do their bit to promote a positive environment and identify with them.

Frankly, I find it difficult.

I still think that Leon Schuster should get a political party established - fast. Pity he wasn't in place already to reap the benefits of the current floor-crossing!

Gotta Love Zapiro ...

©Jonathan Shapiro 07.09.07

Wild Waters

I'm no fan of the ANC, but sometimes the DA gives me the impression of being a bunch of spoilt brats. DA MP Mike Waters was, in my humble opinion, out of order in Parliament. Nothing wrong with wanting answers to the subject, but he could have followed accepted protocol instead of behaving like a child - "I want it and I want it NOW! I don't CARE what you think!"

And they all sulk and walk out when he's reprimanded.

I really find it very difficult to take the DA seriously, which is a great pity, because, as I said, I'm no ANC supporter. Who the hell do I vote for?

I figure it's about time that Leon Schuster started a political party. He's the one person I can think of that people of all colours and backgrounds could unite behind. Come on, Leon, we're waiting for you.

Jozi Kids Events Calender for September

www.jozikids.co.za presents an events calender for September.

You live in Johannesburg or somewhere in Gauteng and you're looking for ideas of things to do with kids.
Take a look and visit the site for more information. Click on the calender day that interests you and the list with details will appear.

The Car and Bike Show on Sunday Sept 9th
at the Trade Route Mall in Lenasia "Wheels on the Move", an all-about-cars and bike show for car lovers. Bike stunt shows on Saturday 12.30pm and 3.30pm and VW Driving Academy demonstrate art of advanced driving. International Auto Sound Challenge Association host sound show. Competitions and prizes. Jumping Castle for kids.
Entrance is Free.

Klipriviersberg Nature Reserve guided walk in Mondeor, Johannesburg Sept 9th and 23rd
You can spot zebra, springbok, black wildebeest, blesbok, or red hartebeest while walking. 2nd and 4th Sunday of every month. You can also go horse riding in the reserve or ride on a wagon pulled by 4 donkeys - great for young children, disabled or elderly. Riding trips by arrangement only: Greg 082 645 0248.

Mulbry Childrens Gardening Club Sept 15th
Let Mulbry the Garden Bear teach your children the magic of gardening and environmental awareness on the 3rd Saturday of every month at Lifestyle Garden Centre in Randpark Ridge.

Heritage Month at Maropeng Sept 15th
Maropeng brings heritage alive for the younger generation. A fun-filled family day begins with tour at Maropeng Visitor Centre: 10-min boat ride along underground man-made lake and interactive zone to enlighten young and old. Tour concludes at creative area where children make their own rock art. All materials provided. Then tuck into lunch of boerewors rolls, chicken kebabs and mini burgers, followed by cupcakes and milkshakes.

Jozikids is also now filled with tons of Special Offer Vouchers, from a free cappuccino to great discounts on Jumping Castles, Party services, photographs extra mural classes and more..check it out.

For more details Go to www.jozikids.co.za
Click on a calender day and a list of events will emerge.
If its too long , go to JUMP TO at the top of the page and select a category that interests you.

Enjoy

Are Blogs Losing Their Appeal?

I have noticed that a number of blog sites that I have enjoyed visiting in the past seem to be descending into stagnation. Is the blog-hype running out of steam ?

I know, it gets increasingly difficult to keep up the daily entries - but you guys are missed!

If anyone has just started blogging, why not let us know about you on this site? If you're thinking about it starting a blog but feel intimidated, have a go. Some of the simplest ones can be the best reads. It doesn't have to be intense or filled with daily earth-shattering thoughts. A few lines a few times a week, without the pressure of prize-winning literary entries can be quite fun for you and for readers.

Join Radio Highveld's Positive Drive

The Highveld 94.7 Rude Awakening Team have embarked upon a drive to correct the negative attitude prevailing in Jo'burg. Over the next 21 days, the focus is on being positive, sharing and thinking positive thoughts and doing positive deeds. The goal is to try to convert the neurological paths of our minds from negative to positive. The thought is that it takes 21 days to change a habit, or to reprogramme our minds to accept a new habit.

With a team as vibrant as theirs leading the way and providing the encouragement, I have no doubt that a great deal can be achieved in that time.

Let us support this initiative. If you have done, or know of, something positive and uplifting, publish it, share it, or let the Team know about it.

Anyone can be destructive. It takes character to be constructive. I - and the Rude Awakening Team - know that this city has an enormous wealth of people with strong, vital characters. Please let us hear from you.

We all know that there is a lot here that really, REALLY sucks - but with a sense of humour, some sheer guts and a lot of real, genuine caring, we can overcome these hurdles and reclaim this city as a friendly, caring, pleasant place to be. The bad guys know how to make their presence felt. It's time for the Good Guys to do it better. There are more of us. Many more. Let's do it.

The Manto Solution

In the light of recent "revelations", if one follows a diet of beetroot, garlic and lemon juice, should the lemon juice be taken with a shot of tequila?

It's Spring in Jozi

Yup, it's definitely happening. I distinctly saw green buds all over the tree when I looked through the window this morning. And I thought I heard a couple of them speaking......

"Hey, Bud! Where do you think we are?"

"Jozi."

"You think...?"

"I just saw a pigeon side-swipe a sparrow and steal his crust."

"Oh...."

"And..." lowering his voice..."I think I saw that bird over there bribing that municipal worker to let him nest in the street lamp ...."

"Cool!"

"That too...." (Involuntary shudder)

No doubt, the new season has begun. We just have to wait for the seasonal "unseasonal" cold snap - if it's not stolen before it can get to us.

Housework is Women's Work

Sarah Britten's blog, The Art of the South African Insult, reflects someone's opinion that housework is women's work. If only! And if so, please may I have one who agrees?

I agree that men are definitely not suited to doing it properly! If you have any doubts, try being an ageing single father to a teenage daughter, without domestic help! Cooking (hate it!), washing, ironing, cleaning, tidying, nagging, (not to mention homework), shopping, playing taxi, handling tantrums, trying to strike the balance between sympathy, empathy and straightforward honesty about the many boyfriends and "love affairs", (all with a dishcloth on your shoulder), remembering where you put things that she left lying around and suddenly can't live without .......

Then add a thermometer, a fever, a bucket, a collection of medicines each to be administered at different times ....

I guess there's always the bright side - like no in-laws, Mr Muscle in a bottle, and the prospect that one day she'll be an adult.

(Notice that it's "Mr" Muscle", "Mr Min", "Handy Andy" - never the other gender?)

If I ever reach old age, I'll dribble, pass wet ones, and be impossibly demanding! Actually, I'll probably just sleep all day, every day!

Jozikids Events Calender Aug 20th

www.jozikids.co.za
presents an events calender for the week starting August 20th, 2007

You live in Johannesburg or somewhere in Gauteng and you're looking for ideas of things to do with kids.
Take a look and if its not quite what you need, visit the site.

For those who are still on holiday there are several holiday programs this week:

COOKING programs
for toddlers at Little Cooks Club in Rivonia and
for over 7 year olds at Ushef Cooking School in Olivedale, Sandton

HORSE RIDING camp at Horse Haven in Kyalami for over 6 year olds

TENNIS clinics at the International Tennis Academy in Melville/Parkview for kids from 3-16yrs.

ARTS / CRAFTS program at the Colour Your Life studio in Petervale, Bryanston.

If your kids are not on holiday there is still great weekend entertainment

Swan Lake at the Civic Theatre in Braamfontein
The SA ballet Theatre's rendition of this classic tale of prince who falls in love with a beautiful princess transformed into a swan by an evil magician. 24 Aug -16 Sept.

ANNUAL FETE: Firland Childrens Home in Linden , starts at 8h30
27 different stalls: kiddies market, creative stalls, excitement stalls, book stalls, games, food stalls, spiderman trains, shooting range, jumping castles, barney sing-a-long, sky diving. Fun for the whole family. Proceeds for Firland Childrens Home.

ME-Games Exhibition at the Sci-Bono Discovery Centre in Newtown.
Exciting ultra-modern interactive games exhibition, uses games that trigger the visitor to play, to think on their feet, to make quick decisions, to work in teams and be innovative - a fun activity for families and children. From 8 August.

For more details Go to www.jozikids.co.za
Click on a calender day and a list of events will emerge.
If its too long , go to JUMP TO at the top of the page and select a category that interests you.

Enjoy.

Driving test question

This question has just been added to the South African DRIVING THEORY test.

There is only one answer , but be careful now !


Driving Test Question

You are driving along a two lane road with a NO OVERTAKING sign,
and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider
for the next 2 kms, or do you break the law and pass?


Which is the correct choice?

???????
???????
???????
???????
???????
???????
???????
???????




Why take unnecessary risks ?
ARRIVE ALIVE !!

The Army ...

This e-mail did the rounds some time ago, but I still love it ...

LETTER FROM A FREE STATE FARM KID, NOW DOING BASIC TRAINING AS A COMMANDO

Dear Ma and Pa

I am well. Hope you are. Tell my boetie Wouter and my other boetie Koos that being in the Kommandos beats working for Oom Piet by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 am, but am now starting to enjoying sleeping late.

Tell Wouter and Koos all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No varke to feed, no cows to milk, no mampoer to mix or braai wood to split. Practically nothing. Manne get to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on fruit juice, pap, eggs, bacon, etc. but short on steaks, boerewors, chops, potatoes and other regular food like vetkoek.
But tell my boeties you can always sit between two dorpies that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route"
marches, which the Sersant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our postbox at home. Then the dorpies from the city get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice, but awful flat.

This next will kill my boeties with laughter.

I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a dassie's head and doesn't move at all. And it isn't shooting back at you like those bl*ks*mse Venter boys from the next door plaas. All you have to do is lie there all rustig like and hit it. You don't even have to make your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with the dorpies from the city. I have to be really careful though, they break real easy. It's not like fighting with Swart Duivel, our old bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this platoon except for that GrootJan Jordaan from somewhere in the Noord Transvaal. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs over 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell my boeties to hurry and join before other okes find out about this Kommando setup and come stampeding in !

Your loving daughter,
Esther

The Gender of a Car

A little while back the immobilizer on my car decided to totally immobilize our lives for at least a day. Not making it to school didn't phase my daughter too much, but the subsequent trek to Auto Electricians and their difficulties in getting a new one to work, highlighted the car as a centre of our lives. We were talking about it that evening, when my daughter got that puzzled expression:

"Is your car a He or a She?"

"She," I said, without hesitation. "For some reason, people seem to refer to cars as 'She'.

"I know. A friend of mine also called his car 'She' the other day. Why?"

"I have no idea." Her expression excluded the possibility of not knowing why. "Well, I guess - perhaps - it's because we treasure our cars, and we're proud of them, and we can't do without them. And because they need care and attention and we enjoy giving it to them?"

She gazed at me thoughtfully.

"Or perhaps," I continued hesitantly, "it's because they're sensitive and tempremental, cost you a fortune to maintain and are generally full of sh.t."

She grinned. "More likely, I think."

It got me wondering about how many other objects we assign genders to without being conscious of it , but frankly, I didn't come up with anything significant. I guess our cars really are so special to us that they defy "object" status!

Titanic

My daughter was watching the video "Titanic"

Daddy, Titanic was a real ship, wasn't it?

Yes - I think it was around 1912 .....

Would it still be the biggest ship in the world?

No, there are bigger ones these days.

Daddy .... where do the dogs poo?

Silence.

Anywhere, I guess. In the First Class I guess they pick up after them.

Funny .... now the image of those damn little dogs messing all over the place supersedes that wonderful nude painting image in my mind. Sad. It wasn't a fair trade.

Jozi Kids Calender, First Week of August

www.jozikids.co.za
presents an events calender for the week starting July 30th,

Party Venue Open Days from Monday to Friday

Party venues with jungle gyms, wendyhouses, sandpits, tea/coffee facilities, open their doors to the public at a very reasonable rate so that you can enjoy these wonderful facilities with your children during the week.

Pinocchio at the Roodepoort Childrens Theatre

The ever popular children's story presented by Frans Schoeman and Pieter Botha of Ilumbo Productions. An experience your child will never forget! 24 July - 17 August.

Tennis Holiday ClinicMini Tennis (3-6yrs)

2hr session: lesson plus fun ball/co-ordination activities.
Half-day Camp (from 6yrs) 4hrs: includes a full terms coaching program plus World Cup Sports event everyday!

Make Wind Chimes with moyo artists at Moyo at Zoo Lake

Moyo Magic - Children's 1-hour Workshop on 4 and 5th August,

Coca Cola Wildlife Walk at Emmerentia Botanical Gardens on Sunday, 5th August

Walk or run once a month. Everyone recieves a medal that depicts an animal. 5/10km and 1km for children.

For more details Go to www.jozikids.co.za Click on a calender day and a list of ideas will emerge.
If its too long , go to JUMP TO at the top of the page and select a category that interests you.

"Sharashkas" - Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"Sharashkas"

"You have the right to arrange your own life
under the blue sky and the hot sun,
to get drink of water, to stretch,
to travel wherever you like....

What about the main thing in life, all its riddles?
If you want, I'll spell it out for you right now.

Do not pursue what is illusionary - property and position:
all that is gained at the expense of your nerves,
decade after decade, and is confiscated in one fell
night. Live with a steady superiority over life ...
don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn
after happiness: it is, after all, the same: the
bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never
fills the cup to overflowing.

It is enough if you don't freeze in the cold and if
thirst and hunger don't claw at your insides. If
your back isn't broken, if your feet can walk, if
both arms can bend, if both eyes can see, if
both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why?
Our envy of others devours us most of all. Rub
your eyes and purify your heart - and prize
above all else in the world those who love you
and who wish you well. Do not hurt them or
scold them, and never part from any of them in
anger; after all, you simply do not know: it
might be your last act ..... "

- Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

Jozi Kids Events Calender for Week Starting 16th July

http://www.jozikids.co.za/ presents an events calender for the week starting July 16th 2007

It's the last week of the school holidays, and believe it or not, there's still a lot on offer to keep your little ones busy. Here are some ideas taken from the Jozikids calender:

HOLIDAY SOCCER CAMP
Activity-filled camps giving fundamentals of soccer in fun, game-filled environment. Older kids enter 'Soccer Star Challenge'. Each kid receives a certificate of attendance, as well as drink/snack. 16-20 July.

HOLIDAY COURSES - Pretoria Zoo
WHO IS EATING WHOM? 1-day course about about how animals search for food and avoid being eaten! Bring own lunch. Afrikaans course on 25 June.

OLIVER TWIST - National Children's Theatre!
A new version of the ever-popular, rattling good Dickens story, directed by multi-award winning Joyce Levinsohn

For more details Go to http://www.jozikids.co.za/,
Click on a calender day and a fabulous list of ideas will emerge. If its too long for you, go to JUMP TO, at the top of the page, and select a category that interests you.

Thanks
Merle

A Man and his Dog

Just a nice little pic in parenthesis.
My niece's five year-old son, Carl, patiently awaiting a resolution to the the Teachers' strike.

Hopefully, next Monday will be back to school and back to relative normality.

If we're not plunged into darkness by Eskom, of course.

Jozi Kids Update

I'm delighted to announce that Merle, of Jozi Kids, will be keeping us up to date on a regular basis, with news and upcoming events. Here is today's update. Thanks, Merle. Remember that you can check the Jozi Kids website at any time by using the links provided on this site.

You live in Joburg, its halfway through the holidays and your kids are crawling
up the walls. We can put a stop to this.

If your children like to create, here are some great arts and crafts workshops
on offer this coming week brought to you by www.jozikids.co.za
Click on day next week on the calender , then go to the JUMP TO menu at the
top of the page and select the Holiday Arts/crafts category. Some of the
offerings you will find are:
Sewing Workshop where your child can make themselves something to wear
Arabellas Arts&Crafts workshop for making a cardboard tank or Cinderella
carriage
Creativity Holiday club for a range of crafty creations
Marissa s Arts & Crafts workshop in Melville

and this is just a small taste of what you will find on the very extensive
JOZIKIDS calender. Take a look. www.jozikids.co.za
Holidays will never be the same.

Regards,
Merle

Win World Cup Rugby Tickets

Jennifer's Pregnant!

I was drifting in that wonderful netherland of fleeting, unrelated pictures and thoughts, just before one falls asleep. Then I heard a screech from my daughter's bedroom: "Jennifer's pregnant!" My blood curdled. The screech, the message, the cruelly sudden snatch from peace; the combination of all those.

My mind raced. I had time to think, because my voice didn't work. Jennifer .... all her friends are in their early teens. Do I know a Jennifer from my side? Don't flatter yourself.... This can't be good.

I manage to clear my throat, then I hear a familiar sound. Japanese... Sims. She playing SIMS!

For the uninitiated, The Sims is a computer game, where the player creates characters, families, communities, builds houses and neighbourhoods, then all these characters have to interact in everyday activities. They have to work, clean house, visit, relate to each other, create friendships, marriages - yes, and they can even have babies. Strangely, the dialogue has never been translated - it is still in, what I presume to be, Japanese.

"That's really cool," I hear a voice say, sounding remarkably like mine.

She screeches again in delight, then is suddenly totally absorbed by her addiction again.

How I love the sound of Japanese. There again, I consider as I drift back to the state from which I was so cruelly snatched, perhaps it's not Japanese. Perhaps it's a computer-generated language just for the game, that nobody understands. Much like 'teenager' language, I speculate.

It's hard to fall asleep with curdled blood.

Kibbutz

Ever wondered about Kibbutz?

I have changed the format of my other blog site, Chicken Soup and Boerewors. It is now a chronicle of my letters home from Kibbutz during the 1980's.

However, if you want to know more about Kibbutz, the Kibbutz experience, or volunteering there, my site has the relevant links you may require. Try it.

Chicken Soup and Boerewors

Dear Eskom

Dear Eskom,

Please don't let your workers strike. Some of us have teenage children and we need the essential services.

You see, if there is no electricity, there is no TV. And there is no computer. And there are no MP3 players, because we cannot recharge the batteries. All that is left are the cell phones and Mxit. And we cannot recharge the cell phones. And that makes teenagers mad.

And at night they cannot storm outside to meet in the streets because there are no street lights and their outfits cannot be seen. Which reminds me, they cannot check their make-up, so they have to stay in. And, in any case, the backup batteries for the electronic gate will be flat, so they cannot get out anyway.

All that is left is for them is to sit in the dark and light matches. And then we have to buy new carpets. And to talk. Do you know what it is like talking to teenagers?

Please, Eskom, don't let your workers strike.

Yours sincerely,
"Power to Parents"

Huh.

We were about to leave home. The car door wasn't even closed yet.

My daughter: "Put on the heater! Put on the heater"!
"We don't need a heater...."
"I'm FREEZING!"
"Well why aren't you wearing a jersey?"
"Because nothing goes with this outfit."

(I swallow, pause, then quietly:) "What about that nice jacket I bought you?"

"Huh!"

It wasn't the 'Huh'. It was the sidelong look that went with it. Fleeting, but enough to convey pity, disdain, my total lack of comprehension and finality. THAT is the look I want to see on every ANC face when the subject of Jacob Zuma's presidency is raised.

General Info Category

A General Information Category has been added to the links on this site, including telephone directories, postal codes and Braby's business search, maps and directions. I will add links as I come across them. Hope you find it useful.

The Move

"Daddy, please can you put my computer in my bedroom?"
"Sure, Sweetheart."
"With this stand."
"It's a bit big, but we'll make a plan."
"Thank you Daddy! I love you!"

You poor sucker.

Her room didn't have space for the computer, which is why it was in the lounge in the first place. And, of course, a father's delusion that his child actually wants to be in his company while she's playing on the computer.

In truth, I had been thinking that it was time to swap bedrooms anyway and give her the bigger room. At thirteen, she needs space. All I need is a gap for escape and to sleep. So, bravely and resolutely I enter her room, then mine, to start the planning.

Three days later, I am not the same man. Covered in Band Aids and bruises, an aching back and a "crushed" foot, I wonder why they can't just stay small. Smaller is better. Except, of course, for the recurring dream of that wonderful knight in shining armour who will whisk her away one day on a white steed and make her dreams come true, while raising beautiful, well-behaved grandchildren who stay small. Then I look at the boys she likes - and I know...reality sucks.

First things first. Before I move furniture around, clean the walls of her artwork and philosophies. "Mr Muscle" has never let me down. With sweat running torrents down my forehead and burning my delusional eyes, I finally see that whiteboard markers don't come off mat paint. Neither does pencil. Some lipstick does. Eyeliner, to a degree. A lot of substances just fade. Not like enthusiasm - that disappears completely.

So .... already exhausted, a quick trip to the paint shop. This wasn't part of the plan. Paint the spots. Paint one whole wall. Guess what? It needs a second coat.

Day two. Right, now we can actually start the move. Okay, with all the cupboards full, where do all the clothes go during the change, without getting in the way of furniture in transit? Clothes first or furniture? Chicken or the egg? Gotta empty stuff before you can move it. Gotta have stuff in place before you can pack it.

Day three. Finally. After dropping a heavy object on my foot and all but crushing it. After hammering an industrial staple into the soft mound of my zap finger so that the blood shot out like a fountain. (I miss it. I feel stupid showing another driver a zap finger with a Band Aid on it - he probably thinks I want him to kiss it better...) After hands have been shredded by walls, furniture and detergents. After multiple bruises and back clicks that activate suffering like the click of a mouse on the pain button. At last:

"Sweetheart, your computer is in your room."
"Oh, thank you,Daddy," she gushes, "I LOVE it! You're the best"

As you manoeuvre your aching muscles into your mattress that night, hardly believing what you've done to yourself, a little voice calls out from your old domain:

"Daddy ....! I miss my room!"

You discover that the other hand also has a zap finger.

Jozi Kids

I received the following e-mail from Merle at The Jozi Kids team this morning. Go ahead and check it out.

Hi,

A very useful link I do not see on your blog is a site that will help families find what they need for their kids in Gauteng/
www.jozikids.co.za has 1000 listings and over 200 categories of whats on offer for kids and their families, from extra-murals to products to day outings to party services, you name it ....

It was launched at the beginning of April. It offers users a chance to review what they know and read what others say to help them choose
Child or family friendly services get 1 free trial month and thereafter pay from as little as R60 per month

Check it out , its unique and will totally inspire you to do things with kids or appeal to the kid in you.


Best regards,
MERLE
The Jozikids Team
011 482 4310
info@jozikids.co.za
www.jozikids.co.za

Strike It Lucky

They earn little enough. Six percent of a Minister's salary is a big number. Six percent of next to nothing is of no help in the supermarket. We entrust our lives to these people. Teachers, nurses , 'essential' services ...... come on, Government. You are wasting a fortune on crap and crapping on a fortune, a treasure - our people.

It becomes harder and harder to take our leaders seriously. It would be comic if the consequences for our children wasn't so tragic. Is there a department other than Trevor Manuel's that works properly?

I support this strike. Just behave, guys. Don't become a bunch of irresponsible thugs in the process of striking. Show that woman that you are intelligent, civilized people to be reckoned with.

And get my kid back to school!! Please!

eNaTIS Works

Yes! eNaTIS is working! (Well, it was yesterday.) The Traffic Office in Marlboro was relatively quiet - and it only took two and a half hours to register a change in the Title Holdership to a vehicle!

(Licence renewals seemed to be moving faster, though.)

The wonderful thing about living in this country is that you get a thrill out of accomplishing the simplest tasks, taken for granted elsewhere.

After the Weekend

Tuesday. Well, Nashua Mobile never did return any of my calls or my e-mail, but I did manage to contact them in the afternoon. The gentleman I spoke to insisted that they are open on weekends - in which case someone there had better check their voice message which says: "These offices are closed ....."

Anyway, the phone did get blicklisted by the afternoon and I got my ITC number to be able to report the crime to the police. I dreaded going to the Bramley Police Station, but after some heavy sighs I made my way there.

Surprise. Couldn't have been easier. My commendation to Inspector Ramohlola, who made it all very relaxed and very pleasant. He couldn't have been more helpful or more pleasant. Thank you, Inspector!

Now, while the adranaline is still rushing and my faith restored in at least one government official, I think I'll make that long overdue visit to the Traffic Department and lock horns with the notorious eNaTIS again.

Sigh.

Cancel Last Weekend

The weekend sucked.

Friday school was cancelled due to demonstrations. (Don't blame them!) My daughter, not like her, decided to clean and reorganize the kitchen. She stuck to the task she'd set herself until mid-afternoon and did a splendid job. (I'm so proud of you!) Then our day changed.

"Daddy, why is the stuff in the fridge hot? It's all melting!"

Excrement hits the fan. It's served me well - the fridge, not the excrement - but it's an old model, not CFC compliant, so I can't have it regassed. Three o'clock. Stuff it, I'm unemployed and my credit card does NOT need this now.

Dash down to Game to see what is on "Special" and if they can deliver the next day, Saturday, so that the food doesn't all spoil. Great, there's a fridge and they can deliver. No problem. It's wider than the old one and there is only one spot in the flat's kitchen for a fridge. Can't take the chance. Jump in the car and rush home to measure. It'll fit. Just. Right, now get back to Game before it's too late.

Where's the remote for the gate? Lost. Search the flat. Search every square inch of the route from the garage to the flat. 4:30pm and my mood is very bad. My daughter begs me to borrow a remote from the caretaker. Eventually I agree. The caretaker has mine. Some kind soul found it and handed it in. Thank you to all concerned. We're back in business. My credit card is accepted and I buy a fridge. Delivery guaranteed. Cancel the promised ice skating for Saturday and promise to take my daughter Saturday night instead. She rises to the occassion. What a girl.

Saturday. We go NOWHERE. We know it will probably only be in the afternoon, but we don't budge. We wait. Every time the buzzer sounds, we jump - but it's always a buddy of my daughter's. The freezer of the old fridge is at the bottom section, so I don't throw out any of the ice, trying to preserve what food I can. Newspapers all over the kitchen floor to absorb the water. Mop up at regular intervals. All day. Cook what can reasonably be cooked.

6:pm. Still no delivery. (No call to say they can't manage, either, and obviously, after 3:pm, no answer fom Game.) My daughter is distraught.

"To Hell with them," I tell her. "Collect your stuff and your friends - let's go skating."

9:00pm. "Daddy!!! My cell phone has been stolen!! And my money!!!"

Some little bitch had taken my daughter's bag to the 'Ladies', emptied it out and dumped the bag behind a rubbish bin. Check with the manager. Check the tapes. Cannot see anything on the video tapes.

The phone is on contract and I still have 18 months to go on the contract.

Phone Vodacom, who block the line immediately. Very helpful person. Thanks Vodacom. Cannot blacklist the phone, because Nashua Mobile's Customer Care is closed. By now it's after 10pm, so I pile the kids in the car and we search for Honeydew Police Station. Find it. They're not going to open a case without the Service Provider's reference number. Not even if I phone them with the number later.

Sunday morning 11:30. The fridge is delivered.

Monday 11:30 am. I am still trying to get through to Nashua Mobile's Customer Care, since 08:30. Already spent a fortune holding on. Left a message at the prompt for them to call back. Can't afford to keep holding. Went to their website and e-mailed my message. One of their operators will call me back - "Soon"! Still can't blacklist the phone or even report the theft until I can get hold of them.

Stuff Nashua Mobile. When I do get to speak to them, I still have to face the ordeal of the Police Station.

Ice isn't my favourite subject.

Gagging "Beeld" on eNaTIS

I'm all for Beeld's right to comment on the eNaTIS debacle and the Editor's comment that the Department of Transport should spend more time fixing the problems than trying to gag his newspaper. However, when I hear about the security weakness in the eNaTIS system that allows thieves to gain access to vehicle owners' details, I would certainly hope that the newspaper did not intend to show its knowledge on the subject by describing HOW that can be done.

I am not suggesting that "Beeld" intended to do that. It's just that the incident does remind one of how difficult it is for people to NOT publish their hard-earned information. Publishing the "HOW to..." surely makes a publisher an accessory to crime rather than a part of the solution.

One wonders just what is happening in the Department of Transport. The e-NaTIS debacle, the on/off Mono Rail, Taxi conflict ...... not one's "dream job" at the moment. For the consumer, it's all very disturbing. I'm not at all comfortable with the idea of registering my vehicle at the moment.

But then, I guess South Africa isn't exactly a Comfort Zone.....

Father's Day Online Shopping Ideas

Update on "Sunday Morning"

I've discovered that it was 18,000.00 U.S. Dollars, not Rand. In two suitcases. And of the three suitcases they had with them, the "Syndicate" knew exactly which two to take. No wonder they didn't invite the police .......

If only I'd known. I could have hit the Syndicate gentlemen when they went around the corner. Sunday snooze-ins suck!

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning, 07:00am. A wailing and gnashing of teeth from the gentlemen in the flat next door. So loud, in fact, that I assumed they were talking to someone in Nigeria without using a phone. And the person in Nigeria was probably saying, "not so loud!" Eventually I had to go to their door to ask them to shut up.

It transpires that they had just been robbed. One of the gentlemen, the loud one (louder one, that is, even under normal circumstances - he speaks like someone with a naturally loud voice who is also deaf and doesn't believe it) had been "overseas" and had just arrived back that morning. As they got to the building, they were followed into the garage and robbed of R18000,00.

Had they called the police, I asked? The woman with them looked at me with the utmost pity and explained that all the police would do, would be to promise to keep their eyes open. (I guess they've had previous experience.) She went on to explain that it is a syndicate at work. They hang around the airport and then follow people home, where they rob them. I sympathised and asked if he could keep his voice down anyway. "He has something to shout about," she said. " He is really battling and they took all his money."

A question pops up in my naive mind: How does someone go overseas for a short period and come back with R18,000.00 in his pocket? And why in his pocket instead of a bank transfer? And how does this "syndicate" know who to follow?

I guess if he's a foreigner, he may not have a bank account.

2:30pm, Sunday afternoon. My young (13-year old) daughter suddenly gets up and marches to the front door, the line of her lips grim. "Daddy, please forgive me," she says quietly, "but now I am going to F--- them up!" And she marches straight out of the door to do just that.

Dilemma. Join her or stop her? I catch her at their front door and persuade her "not today - they are still traumatised. Tomorrow I'll help you if they don't shut up. Just give them today."

I really must find a hobby that gets us out more. Preferably one that pays R18,000.00 a week .......

Erin Brockovich

I saw the movie "Erin Brockovich", for the first time, on E-TV last night. Scary stuff. The suffering caused to innocent people by the GREED of corporations and individuals is too terrible for words. These families believed the lies fed to them by the Corporation and stoically suffered in silence, not believing the connection between their horrific health woes and the industry causing it. It highlights, once again, the enormous difference that one truly committed person can make - with the right support.

One wonders what the extent of such suffering might be in a country as fraught with corruption as this one is. Greed extends not only to blatant crime such as the masterminds behind car hijackings, etc, but to large corporations in legitimate businesses who sacrifice people for money. We have committed people and groups of people in this country, but do they really have the support of influential groups?

The team of "Special Assignment" is one successful example - they do magnificent work and they get results. There are various Welfare organizations fighting horrendous uphill battles against abuse, but with such sadly limited support.

But is there a central organization or body that one can go to in order to report suspected abuse against people such as in the Erin Brockovich scenario? The Police? Scorpions? Business watchdogs? David Bullard? Patricia De Lille? The Press? Who am I missing?

If you know of effective organizations, please share that information. I'd love to know.

Career Orientation Test

Are you in the right job? Need a career orientation test? Click on this link to www.jobs.co.za and do the online test. (You can also do a quick I.Q. test there (7 minutes), if you dare. I've just discovered, with some relief, that I'm actually "average"!)

I found the orientation test to be very acurate ... disturbingly so. I should have done it twenty years ago. Good to know, but disturbing to try breaking into a new career so late in life. Perhaps you should give it a go while you have time!

How to relieve Stress

Need to relieve stress? Here's a simple, genuine, helpful site worth taking a look at! The answer is NOT one of the following:


1. Banging your head on your boss' s BMW
2. Loosening the backrest of your supervisor's chair
3. Adding Old Buck gin to the water jug in the conference room
4. Sending a fake copy of your death certificate to the SARS
5. Smearing "Deep Heat" on your colleague's gym shorts
6. Walk past a cop car, then run like hell around the block
7. Wearing a pink outfit with a slogan saying "Up the Bulls!"
8. Selling a copy of "Driving Made Easy, by Paris Hilton" on e-Bay
9. Selling season tickets for the Mono Rail at a Soweto taxi rank
10. Start rumours that George Bush will take up a position as ANC Spokesperson when he steps down from his present job.

Stress is something we have to live with, but dealing with it can be far simpler and more pleasant than going to extremes. Click here and make your day a better place to be!

2010

We gotta get ready. In 2010 some guys are coming here to kick a ball. The whole country is being mobilized. A warning in a weekly school newsletter to parents warns of young girls being kidnapped to ensure that there'll be enough child prostitutes prepared for 2010. No doubt the drug lords are busily ensuring the efficiency of their networks as well.

Warn your daughters to be vigilant. It's not a joke. Snatching them is one way. Another way is getting them hooked on drugs, often without their realizing it, so that they'll do anything to get their fix. We live in a sick country. A country out of control when it comes to crime, regardless of what Mr Mbeki says.

I have no doubt that the World Cup will offer many entrepreneurial opportunities. I'm quite sure that we will be exporting more; HIV/AIDS amongst those exports.

For soccer fans, it's a very exciting event. For entrepreneurs, it's a very exciting event. For all sports lovers and those who love a great show, it's a very exciting event. I worry about the hangovers, when we count the human cost.

On the positive side, it's been a great motivation to improve the infrastructures in the affected areas. I hear of efforts to improve the public transport system. Haven't seen it yet, but we live in faith. I'm optimistic that the tourism industry will use the momentum to create an efficient infrastucture. I hope that part of that infrastructure will be to set up a controlled network of private accommodation sources that will still be able to offer inexpensive accommodation to tourists after the 2010 event, including for those of us living here. Perhaps an official website citing private accommodation in such a way that prospecive tourists would be able to plan an entire holiday route online, moving around the country along a chain of private establishments.

I assume that the advertising is well under control, down to the finest detail: pregnancy test kits with our flag, saying "Made in South Africa"; free condoms with our flag saying "DON'T make in South Africa". Tobacco products saying "Smoking is a health hazard; so is focusing on reading this label. Keep your eyes on your surroundings!" Keyrings for all hired vehicles saying: "We drive on the left side of the road here. Red robots should be treated as yield signs after 10pm at night, but don't get caught." A special World Cup 2010 instruction manual entitled "Who to Bribe and When". First Aid Kits carrying a warning "Don't get sick. You don't wanna see our hospitals. " And, of course, T-shirts saying "I Survived South Africa".

We gotta get ready.

TV Guide

In case you need to do some TV programme planning, I have added links to SABC TV Guide and e-TV under the " Things To Do" list in the frame to the right. I hope you find it useful.

Another Perfect Day

This morning I woke up in a place where the new Traffic system, eNaTIS, is working properly and queues are a thing of the past. The ANC are really excited about Tokyo Sexwale's availability as a prospective President. Electricity isn't a problem in Cape Town anymore, because they have found a way to contain the all the hot air from Parliament to warm the city through the winter months. Illovo and Wanderers were announced as the venues for a Straight Pride Festival. I had quit smoking forever.

Strange how one hallucinates during Nicotine withdrawals, isn't it?

Mother's Day Postscript

Well, Mother's Day is over for this year. For some , it went very well. For those of you who were disappointed, saddened, angered or felt let down - don't let the bastards get to you.

The Captains of Commerce love to create days to make people celebrate and spend money in the process, but there is seldom a thought for the people who are hurt by those occassions because they either don't have anyone, or because they are unable to celebrate it. The Day serves as a painful reminder for children who don't have mothers; and perhaps painful for mothers who are mothers no longer. In South Africa, the reality of both groups is on the increase. (Please note, Justice and Health Departments. You deserve to grovel on those days)

To those who are mothers no longer, or not yet, perhaps you would like to consider the possibility of teaming up with kids who don't have mothers, on those days in the future? If you do, just bear in mind that a mother for the day does not release the kids from their pain of not being with their real mothers on the day. You cannot substitute - you can only share in their despair by being a friend and a mother-figure; and by lightening their burden for the day by some fun and caring. However, it could be a lot more fun for both parties than sharing the day with friends who have happy families, which only highlights a sense of loneliness in those who don't. Realistically, unless it is already known territory to you, it may be safer for you and the kids if a group of mothers hosts a group of children. Better chance of success in untested territory. Just a thought. Who knows? Perhaps the experience could introduce you to something that lasts longer than just a day.

If you are not aware of opportunities in your area, you could try using the Social Welfare links on this site, or write to me and let us see if I can point you in the right direction.

Mxit - mixed blessing.

Mxit - your best friend, or something you wish your family had never discovered? If you haven't heard of it yet, ask your kids. (Or use this Mxit link)

It surely has its blessings, but the dangers are any parent's nightmare.

I'm one of those people who wants my child to have a cell phone. I need to know that she has that contact with me whenever she needs it. (Or is it that I can have contact with her...?) Shopping malls are huge places to try to find a kid. In fact, many of the big stores like Pick 'n Pay seem to swallow up a child while you're trying to decide on which detergent you can't live without and she just knows that the cosmetic counter is more of a life and death issue. Or if I need her to bail me out when we're shopping for personal items and she goes scooting off to look at a pair of jeans, leaving me all alone in the ladies section with a bra in my hand, exploring its suitability. (As if I'd know the difference.)

Anyway, your child has a phone. Your child has friends. You have a fixed income. Which isn't so fixed the moment it hits your account - it shatters into fragments. And from those fragments you have to pay for your convenience - and your child's cool image. That's where Mxit comes in. SMS's may not be as expensive as calls, but they still get pretty pricey when they turn into teenage online discussions. When the kids are connected to each other via Mxit, it only costs a few cents for them to chat to their heart's delight.

However, that's where it should stop. (With me, anyway.) Monitored connection to known friends. Chat rooms are OUT for children. (And spouses, if you happen to have one of them.) We all know about the dangers to them, with some of the sewage we have in our society passing itself off as humanity.

Convenience: cost and social connectivity to friends. Danger: (apart from lethal sewage contamination) Addiction.

I was amazed to find how quickly Mxit becomes their master - and they are very willing slaves. Rush home from school to get onto Mxit (In the car: "Did you bring my phone? DID you bring my PHONE?!!!) Homework becomes an obstacle to Mxit. Late at night the blankets develop a strange pinging sound, which doesn't go away with tuning. (Or maybe it does : "I'm CHUNING you, my girl, give me that phone!)

The addiction factor is a very serious issue, as it is with any addiction. Undermine the effects of online addiction at your peril, especially for your children. Mxit needs to be monitored and some ground rules adhered to. And this is where I'd like to refer you to the guru of this subject, a guy called Ramon Thomas. Check out his Website on online safety, or his blogsite , and get a copy of his "Parents Guide to Mxit." You may also find it worthwhile to get his newsletter or to book him for a talk at your school or club.

Oh, in case you're wondering - no I don't use it personally. I may be all thumbs when it comes to DIY or fixing things, but I don't seem to have enough of them to cope with cell phone messaging!

'Work from home' ads illegal

News24.com reported the following on 09 May 2007:

"Johannesburg - Advertisements offering work from home opportunities are now illegal, said the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) on Wednesday.

The ASA welcomed the regulation, which was issued by the department of trade and industry.

"The regulation makes various work from home 'opportunities' illegal. These include opportunities to 'fill envelopes' and 'type labels' - two scams against which the ASA has issued various rulings," said the ASA.

"Consumers are reminded that if they see ads of this type, they can lodge complaints with the ASA on complaint@asasa.org.za or fax 011 781 1616." "

I must confess that I was surprized to see that announcement. I wonder how many types of 'work from home' opportunities this covers?

Anyway, be warned that this regulation has been issued, especially if you're considering taking up an opportunity that requires networking in the form of placing such adverts.

Please Note that I will be filtering these "work from home" ads from this site on a continuous basis, so if any of them do appear here, it will only be temporary while the filtering takes effect.

Mother's Day Blues

'But it's the THOUGHT that counts!' Bull----. The only thing that the thought counts is the cost. The last time that phrase is true is just before you enter adolescence. After that, you'd better have an offering to back up the cute picture you made yourself!

Of course, that's just from a Dad's perspective. Mother's Day is wonderful for the kids. Wonderful or traumatic, but certainly emotional for the mother. And most wonderful of all, of course, for Commerce. For the Dads, it's only a tad less frightnening than Father's Day, a month later, when you have to fork out all over again - only this time you don't have control over your credit card, because what they're buying you is a secret.

Problem is, most of us can never give a mother what she's worth - and you'd better believe that. So we start to compromise according to the budget. Then our conscience deploys a little tool called emotional blackmail and the budget goes out of the window. But Fathers tend to be unimaginative compared to the fairer gender, so after all hints have been interpreted, all decisions made and all purchases have been concluded, an innocent remark will tell you just how wrong you were and you have to dash out again, credit card bucking frantically in your hand. The mystery of Mona Lisa's smile? Look at your wife's face on Mother's Day. You'll NEVER KNOW!

Oh, well, I suppose Mom has the same torment for Father's Day. But Moms, would you like to know the secret of the perfect Father's Day gift? It's a CREDIT NOTE for what he spent on Mother's Day!! Tied with a ribbon.

No, please don't believe that. It's just not true. Because when all is said and done and the preceding trauma has passed, there's a warmth in our hearts on the day that melts the cold in our wallets. Our biggest regret about Mother's Day is that we cannot possibly give you what you deserve and what the whole family would love to give you. When the day passes, those sloppy, melting hearts in us tell us that we'll know EXACTLY how to do it better next year. But, of course, poor apes that we are, we won't know any better than we did this year. And once again you'll bear us patiently and clean up the mess on Monday when we're all squawking and screaming again.

Perhaps Mona Lisa was Da Vinci's mother..... and he gave her paints for Mother's Day .... and the poor woman had to pose for him ....that might explain the smile...

I wish you the happiest of Mother's Days !

Lotto Blues

Hey, Mr Government Man - Person - I'm losing money and people are suffering for it, because of your indecision over the National Lottery Board.

Okay, I haven't actually won anything yet - ever - not even a little bit - but I have DREAMS, don't I ? Usually. But not now.

Every week, twice a week, I go through the painstaking decision process of who will get what when I win the Lotto. I figure it all out, including Trust Funds, donations, balanced investment portfolios; I search the property sections for sound buys that fit into that draw's budget. You have no idea how many people have benefitted over the years, albeit in my private world of good intentions.

Now I don't even have hope. Neither do they. And it BUGS me!

More importantly, there are numerous organizations that are supposed to benefit from the lottery - and it's not happening. Your indecision is depriving desperate organizations from help they deserve and should be receiving.

I know that it can be extremely difficult at times to find suitable companies or organizations to run it that DON'T have some or other government official on their board, or at least with a finger in the pie, but if you are that desperate - hey, I am willing to sacrifice myself for the good of the nation. I'll run it for you if I have to. BUT GET IT GOING AGAIN !

If you can't get it right, just speak to Trevor - (tell him I referred you to him) - and I'm sure he'll sort it out for you very quickly.

Oh, and when you do get it right, I hope that the first one will be the biggest guaranteed amount ever. I have a lot of people to make up to for the lost opportunities.

Ice Skating

"I can do this. I did when I was young. Look up, look up! I AM looking up. Then why am I seeing my heels? Make a fist, make a fist! Remember the rule or lose your fingers!

People are friendly here - they all seem to be smiling at me. Except one. My child. She appears to not see me. I guess she's just focused. Wow! I had no idea my body could do a figure 8! Make that a Q. But I can't feel the surface. Which way is down? Ouch! Got it. This is fun!"

That was before my daughter had any friends at the Ice Arena. Now she has friends. Lots and lots of friends. COOL friends. She's very good at skating now. Well into her second set of skates, in fact. Now I'm allowed to watch from the window. Provided that I keep moving.

If you haven't been initiated yet, try it. You'll never look back. (Unless you're on the ice, of course, in which case "back" may prove to be relative.) Keeps the kids occupied for hours. There's an arena at Northgate Mall and another at Festival Mall in Kempton Park, if you're in the Jozi area. I'm sure there are others, but those are the ones I know. Times are 10:00 am to 5:00pm, then again from 7:30pm until 10:30 or 11:00 pm, seven days a week. Entrance is R30.00, but you can buy a book of ten "Cheapskate" cards for R230.00, which is a fair saving. If you need to hire skates, they're R15.00. (Pays to buy a pair if your kid gets to be a regular.)

I never had time to read before. Now I never have enough books. I get to see movies. I've even met some of the other parents (to commiserate with) and ALL the security guards. (I'll forget the one who wanted to take me in for loitering.) I know every CD and DVD in Musica; every Special in Game. Made buddies at Incredible Connections (and to be fair, I have actually bought from them on occassion too). I actually enjoy clothes shopping. Even groceries are a cause for excitement. Had my eyes tested and new specs made up when the specials were on.

And, of course, I LOVE watching people at the Mall. Especially when they're watching me and they think THAT'S amusing. (Don't they have anything to DO?)

Oh, and I still have all 10 fingers.

Try it. With your kids, if they're not teenagers yet. If they are, clear out of there and have some special alone time. Oh, and remember, as far as your kids are concerned, NEARLY teenager equals teenager. From about 11, they're practicing to be teenagers, so you're not "cool" and getting colder!

Have fun. And if you see an old man wandering around the Mall in a world of his own - say "Hi" to me.....

eNaTIS - eNuff?

Yesterday, 'Outlook' informed me that the entry "Transfer Title Holder" was four weeks overdue, so I sprang into action.

Now a visit to the Traffic Department is not to be taken lightly. Go first thing in the morning, before they open, and you're likely to stand outside for an hour, in line with all the other people getting in early to avoid the rush. In the afternoon, you'll hit the rush of people using their lunch hour to do the deed, then later you'll confront those trying to beat the day's closing time. So you have to time it with military precision to get in when the early morning's rush has subsided and before the lunchtime rush begins. Theoretically. I think.

Well, I got it right. I filled in whatever forms I could at home, confidently entered the date, gathered all necessary evidence, double-checked everything, made sure I had my chequebook and Book of Life, then hit the road. I arrived at the Sandton Traffic Department at about 11:00 am and just KNEW how clever I was! There was ample parking available, even one under a tree! I marched up to the entrance, cautiously gleeful, subconsciously wondering why so many people were sitting around listlessly outside. The gate was locked. An A4 sign said very simply: "These offices are closed until further notice."

Listless eyes suddenly came to light at the entertainment of yet another confused face walking in semi-circles and reading the sign again and again, hoping it would somehow change.

"Do you know anything about this?" I asked one of the grinning faces.
He nodded happily. "Closed!"
"Any idea why, or for how long?"
"No. It's been closed for a week already."

I approached a lady and a couple of gentlemen selling chips, sweets and passport photos. After all, they were stationed there, so they would know.
"The computer," one of the men nodded sagely. "One of the links is missing. They've been down for a week now, but they were going to open again yesterday." He shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine," he said sympathetically.
The lady added: "Motor mechanics doing a heart transplant ....better phone before you try again."

To my surprise and delight, all was revealed on the evening news! The National Traffic Department was cutting over to a new system. Haven't we all experienced the frustrations that go with that necessary event? But all was well, we were assured, and the System was up and running! "So get yourselves down to your Traffic Office tomorrow," we were exhorted. I did. At about 10:00. Sandton Traffic office was still "Closed until futher notice."

I had a look at their website, though. Could be good once they get it all running smoothly. If you're interested, you can find it at www.enatis.com (eNaTIS = (South African) National Traffic Information System) Now you know.

Health check

My computer is an unhappy little fellow at the moment. Need to do a health check.
I'll get back to normal production when we have a clean bill of health.

Carbon Dating

Okay, so it's not about Carbon Dating as such; it's more about online dating - but there really is a dating site called Carbon Dating, for those of you in Oz, the U.K, the U.S.A. and Canada; and apparently it's not only for fossils and relics. For us locals, there's the ever-popular DatingBuzz, amongst others (link provided below this entry for your convenience!)

On the other hand, for those "gogos" and insects I've heard about who frequent these sites, try Alaska or Siberia. No links provided; board a plane. Just take shorts and sandals with you. October to March would be a good time.

Judging by some of the stories I've heard from women, the insect population of Alaska and Siberia is set to explode. On the International dating scene, I've heard of sewage posing as bouquets and local girls finding themselves trapped in foreign countries under very unpleasant circumstances. I have no doubt that these stories are true. What I would like to hear about are the success stories as well.

I can see that they should work, if one is careful and uses some basic common sense. I would imagine that meeting people in bars can be a pretty dangerous enterprise. Not only are your prospects also posing, but the danger of your getting tanked up and losing your judgement is a pretty powerful likelihood. (Not to mention the dangers of the drive back home.)

Online dating has become a huge part of our culture. (Cliche, I know.) From what I have seen browsing the sites, a lot of people seem to spend a long time listed there, which suggests to me that despite the garbage involved, people are having a lot of fun "dating", for the sake of it, until the right one comes along.

I know that there are probably a million sites talking about this subject, but why don't you drop off some comments to this site too, with your experiences ?

Dating Buzz

Meet your ideal match at
DatingBuzz
- Free Membership, Free Matching, Free Photo Upload. Join today!

Home Affairs

You feel ....well, all "mushy". That certain someone is on your mind just ALL the time. You stare at your computer screen because you know there's something your boss expects you to be doing there, but all you can see is the image in your mind. Your fingers twitch as they remember the soft, warm flesh of the one you love. Ah, that word. "Love". Your breath catches at the thought of it. That word was just MADE for the two of you. You smile and some idiot in the office asks you what's funny. You don't deign to answer; you point vaguely to your screen and shrug, then hunch over your keyboard to look busy so that he or she will go away. You sigh .... this is the ONE. You become vaguely aware that your hands are damp. So are your armpits. Your throat is dry. You don't care. Life is wonderful.

Summer becomes autumn - and you don't care about that either. Autumn is pretty too. Romantic. So is winter. A June wedding. Ah, what could be better! And it's all true. It's actually happening!

Then the moment comes. You take the day off work to go and apply for .... the marriage licence! Yes, Yes, YES! It's REAL!

And you find that you're already married.

Some illegal immigrant has bribed someone (perish the thought - in OUR country?) to marry you on paper to legalize his sojourn under our sunny skies. You have a name you cannot pronounce and a husband you don't want to visualize. Crash.

I remember such an incident specifically, some years ago - and many others have been reported in the media. So serious was the matter, in fact, that the Department of Home Affairs created a place on their website where people can check their marital staus online. Interested? If you think you're single, perhaps you'd better check www.homeaffairs.gov.za/status/marital_status.asp to see if they agree.

Good luck.

But, hey, don't worry. Be happy. Remember - you're proudly Safrican! Why shouldn't you be? Some guy thinks that's important enough to marry you sight unseen and make no demands on you. Just to also be Proudly Safrican! Cool, hey?

Picking a School

A couple of weeks ago - so it seemed - there was great excitement about my little daughter going to "Big School". Who could forget such excitement? Now, suddenly, it's seven years later and time to look for a high school for next year!

What happened to the weeks, months, years? I found them in my bathroom mirror, etched in my face. I heard the sound of them, creaking in my knees. I felt the rush of them escaping from my wallet. I found the PRIDE of them reflecting on my "little" girl's face.

She's not "little" anymore. When did she start talking of things like politics, morality and current affairs so knowledgeably? When did she develop the skills she has? When did boys become my Enemy No.1? I guess time flies when every day is a brand new challenge and there's little time to reflect on its passage. Raising children in today's world, especially in the cities, doesn't give us a choice of the pace. Every day WILL provide challenges that can seldom be postponed.

(Groan. Why can't I live in George or Knysna? Or Great Brak River?)
Anyway, I found a couple of websites about schools, in case you're interested: www.schoolguide.co.za and www.saschools.co.za

Oh, and if you're also groaning and looking longingly into the future, why not feast your eyes on www.gardenroute.org - or even www.george.co.za or www.greatbrakriver.co.za