Stating The Obvious

Mail and Guardian published an article entitled: 'Caution: Water on road during rain', about concerned campaigners for the English language, who object to signs and warnings stating the obvious.

They cite examples like 'Caution: water on road during rain'; warnings on packets of nuts stating: 'Warning: contains nuts'; a warning on a can of self-defence pepper spray: 'May irritate eyes' and, on sleeping pills, 'May cause drowsiness'.

They are quoted as stating: "They assume a lack of intelligence on the part of the reader. 'Do not commit crime. Pay for your fuel' is hardly a deterrent to a criminal who has every intention of driving off without paying."

True.

However, off the top of my head, I can think of two reasons necessitating those warnings. One is the great American pastime of making a few million bucks by suing large companies for NOT warning us of the obvious. The second is - well, visit South Africa, where there don't seem to be enough of those warnings!

Ever visit a public toilet, where, if the signs are not there, they should be ?
"Aim for the urinal, not the floor. Use both hands to take aim " (The sign I have seen is much too subtle for here: "We aim to please, you aim too, please.")

"Please remain seated throughout the entire performance."

"Wash your hands - afterwards! Remember to turn off the tap when you've finished."

Other signs that should exist:

On boxes of ammunition:
"Warning: Bullets can be a health hazard, especially when fired from a gun. Directions for use: Place bullets in clip / magazine. Replace magazine into pistol. Load first bullet into breach. Turn barrel towards you until you can see down the barrel. Keep looking. Gently squeeze trigger."

On the road:

"A lubricated car is good. A lubricated driver is bad."

"Do not look at the person you are talking to while you're driving."

"When you are (illegally) talking on your cell phone while driving, do not attempt to give directions with the other hand."

"Before using your shifting spanner to loosen a nut or other item, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, switch off the ignition and disengage spanner from the steering column. Remember to re-connect to the steering column before continuing your journey."

"When your soccer ball goes into the road, look right, look left, look right again - then report the thief who took it while you were exercising these precautions."

"Beware - Cattle Crossing. Watch quietly and do not disturb." (Heard of Cross-Bred cattle? Now you know)



Pills:

"Directions: To be swallowed, using water - not beer, vodka, brandy, whiskey, wine, Brutal Fruit or any other alcoholic beverage. Do not crush and sniff. Do not smoke, either in tobacco, bottle mouths, water pipes or in any other way. To not liquidize and inject. JUST SWALLOW WITH WATER. Warning: water can be a health hazard. Ensure that water is clean. If not, boil water first. Remember to let the water cool before drinking. (See instructions for burnt tongue, if applicable)"

"If you do not understand any of these signs or notices, ask a policeman. If he rubs his head before explaining, ask a different one."